Category Archives: Me


The word reflection is a homonym, one with multiple meanings, and to me it means two things: Looking at my current life and reflecting on the decisions I make every moment, and looking at my nose reflecting in the mirror, reflecting on the ever improving healthy state of my liver and my body in general.

Tonight I do both with intensity and passion. I just finished my 30-30 workout (30-minute treadmill at 3.0 mph followed by 30 of my special ab-routines), looked at my nose, and praised myself out loud for not breaking down and driving to the liquor store for a Friday night binge. In fact, it will be three months without a drop come Oct, 15.

Now I can sit here alone with my blog, which I almost accidently killed recently with more than six years of posts down the drain, and reflect on my life. I’m not totally alone, Piper is cruising along under my seat pimping me for treats, but Steph is gone, flown away on a big jet plane, and the house is dark and cold except for my warm little office.

Anyway, thanks for dropping by and checking in. Much appreciated.

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I wake up at 0425 every morning these days, flat on my back. Piper is always nestled against the side of my left leg as I gently push her aside and spread my naked legs as wide as I can. I pull my arms from beneath the covers and extend them outward, stretching my body hard and holding it there while I give thanks to the universe for allowing me the privilege of living another day.

My body feels really good to me lately. It feels happy and healthy so whatever I’m doing, it’s working. I offer up my gratitude for that and include thanks for the many things I have: a home, a partner, a cat, a job, family and a sweet old truck.

Lately, before I push Piper off the bed as I get up, I’ve been asking “god” if he’s willing to give me one more shot of “power”, like the one he gave me back in the early nineties while I was driving down the back road looking for a tree to crash into as a way to end my homelessness and despair.

I vividly remember his words “I’m giving you some power” and the burst of energy that entered the top of my head. It changed my life and allowed me to be here now. I used to think that the purpose was to be there as a dad for Riley, but now I see that Riley was simply another gift to make me a better man.

I feel like I’m on the cusp of something great, an intended consequence of that burst of power. My body and mind are prepared, for something. I also know I’m being lazy asking for more, another burst to put me over the edge into a new consciousness of acceptance and understanding of my fellow man.

But I know in my heart it can’t come from god, it has to come from within me.

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I got the results of my DNA testing back today. I don’t quite know what to make of them yet, but here they are:

I also thought I had Native American blood in me, obviously I was wrong…

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My Diet

My daily diet has been evolving and I thought I would recap it here. Breakfast is critical for me, I need something to wrap my herbs around so it coats my stomach, otherwise the cayenne hurts. I’ve been making oatmeal but after some research I realize it’s a carb and not the best.

So, I’ve come up with a new creation, finely diced red cabbage and beets. I boil half a cup of water, pour in one cup of the mix and boil at medium for one minute, then cover and set aside while I finish blending my herbs. I then add a half cup of organic flaxseed meal which thickens the mix and top it off with a sliced banana. I eat half of it (quite delicious I might add), drink my herbs, and then eat the rest. Breakfast, done!

My mid-morning meal is just as religious. Around 1000 a have time to park my bus at Broulims and grab my fruit. It’s a fine ritual where I carefully select the orange, banana and avocado that jump out at me screaming choose me! If they pass my squeeze test I nestle them in my arms and buy them. Once back on my bus I lower a seat for a table and eat them. Brunch, done!

For lunch I go home and fix up a little protein, often just white albacore and boiled egg or sometimes I’ll fry some eggs (organic free range of course). To wash it down I use organic probiotic yogurt blended with whey protein powder. Lunch, done!

Dinner I share with Steph, especially since she does the cooking. It’s always well-rounded: salad, a vegetable and a little meat. She frequently cooks up one of those outrageously expensive free-range organic whole chickens and we get several meals from that. Dinner, done!

After everything settles down in my gut, I do my walk. I’ve come up with a technique that gets the most benefit from twenty minutes on the treadmill. I warm up with five minutes at 30 and then grab a couple barbells and do another five. The weights add a tension to my whole upper-body as I walk and it’s a great workout. I then crank the speed up to 32, walk another five minutes, crank it up to 35 and finish out with another five. About every third day I do a full workout after that.

Add in some major coding explorations: Node, React and Next and note the absence of other things: (sugar, bread, alcohol and drugs of any sort) and that’s my life!

As I was buying my fruit the other day the cashier asked how I was doing. I gushed out “I turn 71 in July and I feel like I’m 25!” Pretty much sums it up I suppose…

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Brunch Of Champions

Every day of the week around 1000 I buy one orange, one banana and one avocado at Broulims and eat them on my bus for brunch. I do the same on the weekends, just at home or wherever I happen to be at 1000. I’ve been doing this for months now.

Today a well dressed matronly lady in front of me in the checkout line raised one eyebrow as I set the food down on the conveyor and said “shouldn’t you be eating a donut with that?” I accepted her humor but it made me realize that other folks around me just aren’t eating like I do and sometimes it boggles my mind at what I’ve become…

Here I stopped stuffing my face long enough to take a shot…

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What I Know

I am insanely strong for a seventy one year old man. Up until I caught the flu at Broulims last Saturday I was building up my workouts to the point that I needed to increase the reps and the weights daily because my recovery time was amazing and my body was demanding more.

The flu knocked me on my ass and settled into an old problem area of mine, the lower back. I refused to break my vow of no medications or pills and managed to drive the entire week without anything other than some throat losenges and a heating pad.

Here’s what I know, listen up!

Everything that happens in your life from the moment you are conceived is stored in your brain. The older you get, the more that gets stored. I have so many memories of so many moments and so many relationships and so many fuck-ups that going to bed and quieting my mind is a formidiable task.

You need to stretch your body outward every morning in bed with arms and legs extended completely, before you get up. At that point you are connected to god, and all of your past friends and family up there are waiting to hear what you have to say.

Tell them this:

I’m sorry for all of the bad things I’ve done, please forgive me, thank you for everything I have, I love you.

And then visualize all that you love and ask that they be protected and happy as the day unfolds.

Me, I start with Steph, my kittie, my son Riley and work my way outward…

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My Life

The flowchart of my life:

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Minor Irritation

Christmas means nothing to me. It’s not like I hate it as some do, it’s more an irritation like a bad skin rash or one of those painful cracks I get on my hands in the Winter. I’m not a Christian so their guy Jesus’s birthday is irrelevant and not something I need to celebrate. I also have a phobia about fat guys with big beards dressed in tights which I know came about when I was molested by that instructor in my San Francisco dance class.

Actually, I was a professional Christmas caroler back in high school. Me, a couple of girls and another guy were the leads in the choir and the Paradise, CA Chamber of Commerce hired us to walk around town in costume to sing Christmas carols. Now they just make me want to throw up and I’m actively looking for noise canceling headphones to wear in the store.

I’ve also never bought a diamond as a means of getting or keeping a girl so I’m never going to Jared’s and they can stop asking now. I have a wonderful big TV mute button next to my keyboard that I can slam down hard when offensive Christmas crap comes on or they start bashing our president.

I really do try to be sensitive to the people I encounter that enjoy this thing. When I get a Merry Christmas my response is You Bet! Please, enjoy spending your money on gifts you feel obligated to give and go eat some more turkey on Monday. Have fun!

And here’s a photo from the past, when Christmas had meaning: left to right my sister, my mom, me and my brother.

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Asking Once

As I get older I realize a couple of things about myself.

I don’t ask twice and I only offer once…

Let’s break that down:

If I ask someone for something and they say they can’t deliver it, that’s fine.

If they agree to deliver it and they fail, and their excuse is valid, that’s also fine.

If they agree to deliver it and they failed because they didn’t try, I won’t ask again.

If I offer to do something for someone and they accept it, well, it’s done.

If the offer is accepted and a rain-check is requested, fine.

If I make the offer and it’s blown off, the offer goes away.

I don’t ask twice and I only offer once…

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Time Is Now

I was sitting off Bates Road today at 1105 getting ready to pick up the little old lady down the road, and I was thinking about the past. How many moments in my life have I looked around and wondered how the hell did I arrive here. All of those moments were very real and very now, and now they mean nothing. Soon, so will this…

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Billie Graham died today. I met him once in Reno, NV around 1965. I was a punk kid working as a bellman at the Holiday Inn and the place was buzzing one night about some special guests that wanted to remain anonymous. I got picked to serve them dinner so I delivered four meals to Mr Graham and his wife, both in their pajamas, and the other two were going to the adjoining room where their daughters (I believe) were hanging out.

I was pretty star-struck and I was babbling on about some relative of mine that worked with Billie once and he was gracious and extended his hand, which I shook. I kept on babbling and he extended his hand again, which I shook again.

At that point he smiled and said “Could I have my check please?” The poor guy just wanted to eat his dinner…

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Many years ago, late one night, I was sitting in a rundown one room apartment in Renton, WA, writing some C++ code. It was my first C program (I usually programmed in Assembly or RPG on the minis), and I was pretty stoned and getting down on it. It was an astrology app that a Bay Area friend of mine commissioned me to write for a few bucks. I had a crushed ankle from a fall and money was scarce, so I took it.

It was a pretty cool app, using all of the tricks of the astrology trade to come up with a series of numbers based on your name and birthdate. The numbers could then be compared to a database of famous people and you could see who comes close to yours. My birth name is Leigh James Riza so that’s what I plugged in and when I scrolled the screen down to see who was close, I literally fell out of my chair when I saw the results.

I’ve always had an affinity for Vincent Van Gogh and I had read everything about him I could get my hands on. I related to him as the tortured artist who was never recognized for his work. I still relate to that…

So, my mind was blown. I ran across this printout the other day and I’ve named it Carma as a union of Coincidence and Karma.

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It’s funny how one can have a debilitating disease and yet be in the best shape of their lives. I think my body literally slaps modern medical crap up side it’s collective bullshit head. I have Parkinson’s. It runs strong in my family on my dad’s side and my brother is suffering from it full on.

A few years back I felt it coming on in weird ways but my diet and exercise program has pushed it back to only one symptom, I can feel it rushing through my body. It’s like a freight train pounding through my blood vessels and in the quiet of night as I lie in bed, it’s really loud.

I’ve come to embrace it as a form of energy, as opposed to a disease. It no longer worries me, it just pushes me forward now…

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Powder Powered

As I was preping supplies for this upcoming trip, Steph asked me what my favorite powder was. Since I consume a lot of powder daily, I asked if she was referring to one of my spice powders: Cayenne, Turmeric, Garlic, Ginger and Pepper, or one of my exotic powders: Hawthorne Berry, Ashwagandha Root, Gotu Kola, Soy Lecithin or Amla?

She said she was talking about my protein powders, Vanilla or Strawberry. Oh, Vanilla.

Anyway, more power to get here:

…tiles by MapBox
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The vibrations inside my body persist, and grow louder. My ability to see people for who they really are as they drop their guard when they think you look away, grows stronger. My role here in the Valley is becoming that of chopped liver. My heart is strong, and heavy. My brain is clear and confused. I need the sun to heal me…

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