Power

I wake up at 0425 every morning these days, flat on my back. Piper is always nestled against the side of my left leg as I gently push her aside and spread my naked legs as wide as I can. I pull my arms from beneath the covers and extend them outward, stretching my body hard and holding it there while I give thanks to the universe for allowing me the privilege of living another day.

My body feels really good to me lately. It feels happy and healthy so whatever I’m doing, it’s working. I offer up my gratitude for that and include thanks for the many things I have: a home, a partner, a cat, a job, family and a sweet old truck.

Lately, before I push Piper off the bed as I get up, I’ve been asking “god” if he’s willing to give me one more shot of “power”, like the one he gave me back in the early nineties while I was driving down the back road looking for a tree to crash into as a way to end my homelessness and despair.

I vividly remember his words “I’m giving you some power” and the burst of energy that entered the top of my head. It changed my life and allowed me to be here now. I used to think that the purpose was to be there as a dad for Riley, but now I see that Riley was simply another gift to make me a better man.

I feel like I’m on the cusp of something great, an intended consequence of that burst of power. My body and mind are prepared, for something. I also know I’m being lazy asking for more, another burst to put me over the edge into a new consciousness of acceptance and understanding of my fellow man.

But I know in my heart it can’t come from god, it has to come from within me.

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